And I realized John was the deepest I ever went into my own soul. It was the deepest deep there was, as far as I could go, and I never knew who I would find there - him or me. And here I am, 40 years later and that connection comes back WHAM! And, here it is, however many days later and I have finally separated myself out.
I've been having conversations for days with John. I thought I was losing my mind. And when those conversations stopped, they left a black hole. I missed them so deeply, so badly, I worried I would never be able to climb out of this. I cried for days. I felt!! How I felt! I haven't felt such depth of emotion since... Holy Mothership, I finally got rid of another piece of you and gotten another piece of myself back! I can feel emotional depths again. Even if they're horrible, they're MINE and I want to feel them!
And it hasn't been easy for me because my best friend is depressed now too, and needs so much comfort! As you can see:
Anyway, as it always does with me, yesterday turns to dust. David used to say I "get up in a new world every morning." Today there linger brief moments of gloom and devastation left over from something I'm already forgetting. Why were those there anyway? Oh, I was just fretting over lost love. But love you had is never lost.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
When I finally opened
and let you in
all the angels of heaven sang
all the light in the sky rocketed through me
every missed breath on earth breathed me -
Suddenly, it was over
and you were truly gone
The loss was unbearable for days
I had become a junkie of his love
and nowhere to get a fix
I sit here in withdrawal
shaking in the desolate silence
of a passing storm
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