New national document center manager

Last week I got to meet the new national document center manager. I'm still in shock that we have one. I have never heard of or had a national document center manager before. That's brilliant and makes total sense. And I'm nervous. New bosses usually mean changes. And I'm not used to having a “boss.” I've been a free spirit for way too long around here. This all just feels surreal.

Our office manager brought him in to introduce him to the center. He was a really hot gray haired gent with a great smile that had me fantasizing about our meeting all week. It just so happened that he entered just as I began to work through lunch on a rush project. Working through lunch is the biggest sin one can commit in my firm. I have seen attorneys roaring like lions for their work that back down like lambs when “working through lunch” is mentioned. The last time I had been asked to work through lunch was actually...never. And when I'm interrupted on a rush I'm not at my most gracious, and assumed I must have left a terrible first impression on the new national document center manager, especially since I did take the opportunity to ask if I could change our meeting time (it was scheduled for when I was supposed to arrive, not when I actually arrive). Then I misunderstood the re-scheduled meeting time, so we had to re-schedule again, which no doubt impressed him.

The first thing I noticed upon sitting down was he was wearing the largest wedding band I have ever seen. 3/8 inches. It was a horrifying revelation to me, right during the meeting, to realize that one skill I left Mothership with is I can tell the difference between 1/4 and 1/2 inches in the flash of a second and out of the corner of my eye (you Mothership friends will get this). You know that scene in that Geena Davis movie where she thinks she's just an average housewife and suddenly starts chopping a carrot like a spy assassin? That's sort of what that moment felt like.

He asked me a lot of questions off a list he had made on a legal pad, that I just had no answers for. Later he came in and got to chatting with my co-worker, who gave him all sorts of great information, and I joked that boy, I was lame in the meeting. The new national document center manager did smile, so I guess I hadn't left too bad an impression on him. Which I wonder if it will even matter? He began to close the meeting without asking me if I had any questions so I asked him rather boldly if I could ask some questions??? I asked if he's my boss now? He said basically, yes. I asked “Are we all gonna get fired?” His response: “I don't know. They are looking at everything.”

Wow. So, my first impression of my new boss is that he's totally hot, has a horrible bedside manner (it would have been lovely if he had added, “but I will do everything I can to keep your jobs,” or something) but hey, I have to admire his blunt honesty. I'm nothing if not bluntly honest myself.

And no matter how much I rant and rail against it, change is always good for the soul. That's why we're having so many natural disasters right now. We're preparing for 2012, and the great awakening that I have been calling the “Age of Aquarius.” That's what Shirley MacLaine recently said on Oprah. Shirley also referred to herself as a “serial monogamist.” She said about herself that she has had an awful lot of lovers, and a lot of awful lovers, but they were all monogamous relationships. I have that in common with Shirley. I once went through a houseful of roommates, but only one at a time. Each one of them could have been “the one.” Or each one was “the one” if only for one night. But I digress.

I feel upheaval coming, and I'm terrified!!!