"I got to ride on a bus and kiss a boy!"

This morning I was a mess over the passing of a partner in my firm. I had never felt the loss of one of my bosses so deeply before. I was crying so much I had to redo my makeup and was late leaving for work.


On the drive to work I puzzled over why my feelings for her were so strong. And I thought about all her professional courtesies, her silly treats (which she would always be so excited about she would tell me over the phone that she was bringing in treats, and would also tell me again a while later when she brought in her work - which was just an afterthought as it was really all about the treats), her helpfulness when I asked her legal or other questions, her many compliments, and I realized that she did consider me a friend, that there was no class boundary between us and I got such a distinct communication from her "You're not wrong!" that I burst into tears and was a mess again when I arrived to work.


Well, her funeral was today. The firm has been in shock since they heard the news on Monday that she had passed over the weekend. Nobody knew she had been sick, not even her mother. She didn't want anyone to know that she had been battling cancer for some months. She wanted dignity. She just wanted everybody to go on having fun, and she wanted to go on having fun until she was gone. And apparently that was her way of taking care of everybody, because that was what she did.


She was a Diva, Total Bitch, Fashion Queen, Hot Chick and Mother Earth rolled up into one Class Act. I found out today she was very close to my age. How could she not be a role model? She was always full of fun, and impossibly put together from head to toe, smelling lovely. She was an inspiration.


I was chatting with a secretary at work today who told me she didn't know Diana well, but when she first started working here 8 years ago no one spoke to her, but Diana would always greet her warmly just passing by in the hall, and ask how she was, and tell her how beautiful she was, and was always so uplifting. And I told her yeah, she was a role model for me, I just want to be her.


My first experience with her 10 or so years ago was I messed up her document and I thought, "She's awesome, and I'm really in trouble now." Today at the funeral, one of the attorneys she worked with remembered first meeting Diana as his opposing counsel and thought "She's awesome, and I'm really in trouble now." After getting over that first hurdle, I could do no wrong.  Everything I did for her was perfect from then on (and earned treats!).


One particular case she had went on for months and she regaled me with stories.  First, the client was nuts.  Then the opposing counsel turned out to be nuts, as did his client(s).  Then they needed a psychological expert, and an interpreter, who both turned out to be - you guessed it - nuts! 


At the service, Diana's best friend told us about her earlier life. She told us that she graduated from law school and immediately began working for I forget what famous high end department store in New York, where she remained Top Fashionista for 10? 20? years. That explains her general fabulosity, doesn’t it?!


When my husband dropped dead I went into an autistic episode and was on disability for 3 months. When I returned to work I was terrified I was unable to work any more. Diana found me freaking out in the kitchen. She asked me if there was anything she could do to help? I asked her could she get me fired? (She's a labor attorney, by the way.) She said, "Of course I can, you can have anything you want," and reassured me with a little hug. She continued to give me the most hilarious and creative legal advice imaginable, the result of which was that I immediately took some more time off before returning to work, in which I grieved, blissed myself out, and returned to work with a heart full of fun and adventure, ready to live life again.


I think this may have been the last time I saw Diana: I was walking down the hall when most of my necklace fell off into several pieces. I looked around to see if anyone noticed, as I collected the pieces up from where they had fallen. As I was contemplating how to fix it (I make jewelry) Diana flew around the corner and exclaimed, "what a beautiful necklace!" I opened my mouth to tell her it was broken, but never got a word out. She waltzed passed me, not even noticing the broken pieces in my hand, with continued profuse compliments about how it was such a lovely color and went so beautifully with my sweater. Time was obviously of the essence, but that was no reason for her not to brighten someone's day as she whirled by, gesturing with a hand full of papers. I never fixed the necklace, and I always wear it when I wear that sweater.


At the service today, her best friend described the facility where Diana was getting medical treatment JUST 3 WEEKS AGO - a long hallway filled with 20 doors that all looked the same, and then you turned the corner and there were 20 more doors that all looked the same, except for one: Diana's, had a welcome mat, pumpkins and flowers.


At the service today I was struck by two things I heard:


"Eternity is now."


"In death life is changed, not ended."


Diana's best friend also recalled a story she heard from Diana’s mother, who said she was always so full of life. After her first day of school her mother asked her how it was and Diana told her "I really liked it! I got to ride on a bus and kiss a boy!"


I think that just says it all.